we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize