Will you blow on my dice?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Randomize
