I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
