I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
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