I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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