Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
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I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
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Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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