im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
