my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
