i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
