his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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