Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
