i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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