i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
