i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
