We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
