i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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