I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
