i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Your cock deserves a montage
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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