need another drink. this is the easiest way
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We're not piercing ourselves today.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
