And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
