Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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