It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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