K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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