The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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