Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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