doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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