id be glad to
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
