You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
