Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Randomize
