we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
