Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
