TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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