the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
