What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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