I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
