1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
