Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
