Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
