i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
