I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
