Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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