I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
