I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
