I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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