Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
