Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
