Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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