he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Who put my cat in the fridge?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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