Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
