Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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