Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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