she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
