I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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