I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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