Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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