Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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