so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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