I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
