Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
