What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
