Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
